I haven't posted on here for a very long time.  I have been thinking about it lately, and thought I would pick it up again.  A lot has happened since last year.  I really haven't shared much what happened, except with close friends and family.  I will explain, and then it is my goal to try to move on, to the best of my ability.  So here goes:  at the end of June last year, my life changed.  I received a phone call from my brother.  I am not going to get into all of the details that led up to this, but I spent the next 3 weeks trying my best to help him.  My husband and I spent a lot of time talking to him, had him hospitalized, and just tried to help in too many ways to list here.  We were unsuccessful, and he ultimately succeeded in committing suicide in my house.  The last year has been spent trying to work through all of the emotions, guilt, shock, and trauma that Jeff and I experienced.  My brother was not a perfect person, and had a hard time handling things.  He didn't deserve the things that were done to him, and I wish he was still here to tell him personally.  He was loved, and I wish he were able to realize that.  I do not know what I would have done without my dear friends and family helping me through this.  I also know that the fact that I have been blessed in being able to help with caring for Caleb has helped tremendously!  That little boy has made me so happy, and is my sunshine.  I feel like I am at a turning point, and am doing much, much better dealing with this tragic event.  To our family & friends, I say thank you.  To those that didn't know about this, I am sorry I didn't take the time to tell all of you.  The one year anniversary of his death is coming up, and I have been thinking about things.  I have made a decision not to dwell on that date, and I will be very busy that day.  I will not be feeling sorry for myself, and I will not be focused on the way his life ended.  Instead, I am choosing to be happy, and try to remember the happy times we had with him.